Yep, that's a gain. It's deserved. So depressing that it would be a gain my second week of weigh in, but there it is. I was thinking today how I'd explain myself, but I'm just not going to bother. It happens and I know exactly what I did and how to undo it.
To be totally honest, thinking today about how to explain myself to you all brought up the "why bother" voice. I think there's probably some of you out there who've heard this same voice, and maybe you're like me where you're really getting close to the goal of your journey. It's the voice that says, "Why bother? You're close enough. You've pretty much got all the things you wanted from weight loss. You don't need to finish and get to goal. You're married, you're happy, your clothes fit. Just think of all the things you're going to have to give up to get there. How much of a hassle it is to go out to eat. And giving up alcohol! You love a martini or two during happy hour. Happy hour! The best thing about a Friday afternoon! Besides, it's not like your husband cares. He loves you no matter what. And if you lose that weight you'll have to go out and get all new clothes. You finally have a closet full of clothes that all fit you, and now they won't. It'll be expensive! And, and, and, AND!"
I started this blog because I need to keep moving forward. I've been really struggling to find those reasons to keep losing weight. They're starting to become more subtle and that's not as motivating as when you feel like you're going to have a heart attack or you realize you can't fit into a single pair of pants that you own or you're sick and tired of being too scared to talk to someone you find attractive for fear that they'll laugh at you. Those reasons feel so much more urgent. Now it's more about feeding my body the best foods I can so that I have a great workout or performance in a race. It just doesn't feel as urgent and I'm frustrated with myself. Without a doubt, I feel so much better physically and mentally, but there's a temptation to just stop. To just say that this is good enough. I struggle with it all the time. I sometimes wonder if I'm just continuing to try to lose weight because it's all I know. It's my comfort zone now that I've been doing it for so long.
So how do those of you out there who are so close to goal or have made goal keep pushing it? What gets you all the way there?