This past weekend I headed down to Portland for my close girlfriend's baby shower. I'm at the stage of live where practically everyone I know is pregnant. No, really. It's insane. There was another extremely pregnant friend there, and then another friend made her announcement as well. And there's 3 pregnant women on my floor at work. And one of my sister's-in-law is pregnant. I'm sure there's shortly more to be announced.
Anyway, that's not actually what this post is about. At the shower there was a woman that I apparently hadn't seen since just after college at my friend's wedding, around 8 years ago. At that time I'd started losing some weight, but I was still in the early stages and right around 200 or so. I was chatting with her a bit during the shower (she'd brought her 6 month old. See? Everyone!) and she seemed a bit cool, which I just figured was due to her focus on the baby and so many of our old friends being around to talk to.
As the party was winding down, I went to say goodbye to the guest of honor, and she and this other woman were chatting. When I was saying my goodbyes, the other woman admitted that she actually hadn't recognized me because I'd lost so much weight. I was kind of taken aback. I was REALLY heavy so long ago that I just can't imagine that I really look all that different than I ever did. I guess the whole thing made me feel really awkward, when I was supposed to be flattered?
I'm sure there are those of you with big weight losses that have experienced this type of thing. For me, I'm almost always left with that feeling of "Boy, was I really just so hideous before?" People mean well, and it IS flattering to hear that you look nice. But knowing that I was always the same person on the inside makes it hard to hear what people REALLY thought of your outside. It's kind of painful in a way. I keep waiting for this feeling to fade, but it seems to happen almost every time. I'm trying to just be flattered. It's really my own issues that make it hard to hear the compliments.
I totally understand what you're talking about with people's comments - I know they mean well and they're intended to be compliments, but it's still awkward sometimes. A few months ago I ran into a woman whose office used to be next to mine and she commented that I had lost weight, and then she said "You look so pretty now!" Wish it didn't need the "now" qualifier, but thanks, I guess...
ReplyDeleteIf she only said she hadn't recognized you, that doesn't mean you looked bad back then, you have just changed look-wise a lot since she last saw you. :)
ReplyDeleteIt always confuses my emotions when people tell me "You're looking good, girl!" Or something of the sort... like, I didn't look good 30 pounds ago? Thanks! And my mom used to always tell me how beautiful I would be if I just lost weight.
My brother in law always acted like myself and my niece would "never find a good man" unless we lost weight.
Why am I not beautiful to my mother NOW?
And a good man will love ME for me and not my body.
If anything, those people made me more insecure! They made me eat more! None of them were the reasoning behind my weight-loss, so obviously their crappy comments didn't do the good they were hoping they would!
Ok, sorry for that rant, just had to share my thoughts. :D